Another day living with anxiety. It started off ok. Got up, fed the cats, had breakfast, had a shave and got dressed, put on some washing. A bit later I hung the washing out, checked my email and did a couple of reviews after our weekend away.
I must admit to being a bit pissed off that the first hotel we stayed at are saying they can't find the phone charger which I know I left plugged in next to the bed. It probably has something to do with the note we left in the room commenting on how the room hadn't been cleaned properly. I don't really blame them. People generally don't react well to notes left in hotel rooms, on cars or shoved through a letter box.
Years ago some neighbours of mine put a letter through another neighbour's door complaining about how he had put a gate in his fence so he didn't have to wheel his bike through his house but instead he was then wheeling it over a communal bit of grass which he didn't contribute to the upkeep of. I was asked if I wanted to put my name to the letter but, quite frankly, I just didn't want to get involved. It wasn't doing much damage to the grass and I was his nearest neighbour so I wanted to keep out of it.
Another neighbour told me that the bike guy did not take kindly to having a letter put through his door and wondered why they hadn't just knocked on his door and had a chat about it. Fair comment.
Back to today and I was out this morning at what is called a community living room in a local church. During the colder weather it was a warm hub for local people to come and have a brew and get out of their cold houses. It's now early summer so it's a place to get a coffee and chat to whoever else is there. I suppose I'm one of the regulars and went down at around half ten this morning. A woman with a young kid came in. I've seen her there before but today the kid was rushing about pushing a toy buggy and I started feeling a bit uncomfortable. It got to about 11:30 and I had to get out of there.
I'm having a drink or two which I know isn't a good idea but sometimes it's the only thing that stops the anxiety. If you're a fellow sufferer you'll know the feeling. It's horrible. The medication I'm on doesn't always help and these exercise-obsessed people who say you should just go out for a walk/run/cycle don't know what they're talking about. They are well-meaning but essentially ignorant.
There's something about Wednesdays. Even though it's been many years since I had a full time job, there is still that mid-week feeling. The memories of last weekend are fading and the next weekend is still over two days away. It's a pretty messed up way of existing, doing some job you'd rather not be doing and living for the weekend and those precious three or four weeks' holidays.
I recently gave my violin to a health visitor who knew of a woman whose dementia was robbing her of speech. The care home manager knew she had played the violin when she was younger and fortunately when this woman saw my violin it sparked some memory and she could remember how to play it. As Jim Morrison wrote, "Music is your special friend."
The anxiety has now left me and I'm on soft drinks.
