The Wicker Bin

It was a Monday afternoon in 1981. I was in 6th year and for those of us not involved with the CCF (playing at being soldiers etc) we had to kill forty minutes, after the last lesson of the day had ended, before we were allowed to go home. So that meant you either sat in your classroom, went to the library or to the Sixth Form Common Room. 

On that particular day I headed to the common room which was fairly quiet. There was a group of lads sitting in the corner including GJ who was a prefect, or ephor as they were called at my school. I sat across the room from them doing nothing much when suddenly I heard a voice saying, "Let's put Bertie (my nickname) in that bin." Before I could escape, they were round me and put me, arse first, in a large wicker paper basket. I decided not to put up a struggle as I was outnumbered and it was done in good humour.

Then one of them said, "Let's put him up by the window." This was on a shelf about four or five feet off the ground above a small cupboard under the window. So there I sat with my knees up to my chin unable to move. Any attempt to get out of the basket would have resulted in me falling to the floor and probably getting quite badly hurt, so I stayed put. I did ask them for a book which they gave me and they returned to their seats in the corner of the room.

After a while I looked out of the window and saw a teacher approaching. As he came to the outer door into where the common room was, he looked up at me in disbelief. I told the lads that he was about to come in and of course, they didn't believe me. Moments later the door opened and in walked said teacher. I should say at this point that he had a reputation for being very strict and did not put up with any nonsense. When the lads saw him, I imagine they were more or less shitting themselves. 

The teacher looked up at me and came out with words that have stuck in my memory ever since - "What are you doing up there?" to which all I could say was, "They put me up here, sir."

The lads were then instructed to get me down and received a good bollocking with GJ getting a particular telling off, what with him being an ephor. 

And the moral of the story is, if you're going to put someone in a basket for a laugh, don't put them where an authority figure can see them. You're just asking for trouble that way.